“eclipse” by Adam Cayton-Holland

set my alarm for 4 a.m. 

to see the lunar eclipse

on November 8, 2022

my son’s fourth birthday

I vacillated at first

thumb twitching indecisively over phone

did I need the sleep more?

I thought about the type of person I wanted to be

when I conceived of myself

someone who wakes up for eclipses?

or someone who sleeps?

like when that girl invited me to Taos 

all those years ago, out of the blue

and I waivered, until it dawned on me

when you’re an old man 

will you remember not going?

I tiptoed down the hallway

wondering if I should wake him 

whisper happy birthday, the sky got you a present

but it was overcast, so I investigated first

alone, backyard gray and quiet

pregnant with the promise of winter

through my binoculars 

no moon no stars no eclipse

just clouds

until an inky black disk with coral embers

peaked through

seemingly lit from within

familiar but strange 

like those establishing shots in all the Star Wars movies

of some planet with two moons

then it was over, the sky once more a canvas of clouds

so I shuffled back to bed

remembering how the paper said 

it won’t happen again until 2025

when the earth passes perfectly between the sun and the moon

when my son is 7, and I’m 45

will I wake him for that one

how will he react

awestruck? 

annoyed? 

or will he be indifferent?

to this dance of our dying planet

and this man

his father

About Adam Cayton-Holland
He/Him/His

Adam Cayton-Holland (www.adamcaytonholland.com) is a national touring comic who has appeared on Conan, The Late Late Show with James Corden, Comedy Central Presents, @midnight, The Meltdown with Jonah and Kumail, and Happy Endings and was named one of Esquire’s “25 Comics to Watch,” as well as one of “10 Comics to Watch” by Variety.

Along with his cohorts in The Grawlix, he created, wrote and starred in “Those Who Can’t,” which aired for three seasons and is available to stream on HBOMax. The Grawlix also host a podcast, “The Grawlix Saves the World,” which is available everywhere. His albums, “I Don’t Know If I Happy,” “Backyards,” “Adam Cayton-Holland Performs His Signature Bits,” (voted one of Vulture’s Top Ten Albums of 2018), “Semblance of Normalcy,” and “Hot Takes,” are all available on iTunes. “Adam Cayton-Holland Performs His Signature Bits” is also available on vinyl through the record label Saddle Creek.

Adam’s writing has appeared in McSweeney’s, The New York Times, Esquire and The Atlantic. His first book, Tragedy Plus Time, is available everywhere.