“Albert Ellis and I Explore His Theories on Catastrophic Thinking” by Tyler Hurula
He says they don’t love you and never will.
No what if, he makes it a fact.
At first I fight it—there’s no evidence,
just my brain’s casual cruise
to the worst case scenario.
He calls this catastrophizing—suggests we lean
into it. I search his curious, unrelenting
eyes, and my chest shrugs a bloated sigh as I shrink
into this reality. Then I’ve wasted my love
poems. He quips okay—you’ve wasted
your poems. Now what? I explain I have collected
paper trails of the places my heart has wandered
alone, infatuated with anticipation.
There is a catalog of honey-drenched
language, soft lips—words that have planted
themselves onto twitterpated leaves.
Maybe I’m a garden.
Maybe my poems are seeds.
But I don’t want to be a metaphor.
Then what are you?
he inquires. I am stripped
bare in the way they say to imagine
everyone naked when giving a speech,
but then all I can picture is myself naked
in a room full of penises—I mean people
I love that don’t love me.
(freudian slip)
He says that’s still a metaphor.
So maybe I am a metaphor, but
I don’t want to be where things don’t grow
from. Maybe I am naked.
I have tattooed my blushed
affections onto my sleeve. I won’t wait
an extra day to text back, in fact, I’ll send voice
messages while I’m driving home from a date.
I will only arrange bouquets flowered
with love-me engraved petals.
What I’m trying to say is
I have nothing
to hide.
And maybe she won’t love me.
And maybe he’ll be smitten
by my clumsy displays
showcasing the ways I’ve been falling.
Either way,
I’m still going to write love poems.
Still going to slip lipstick
prints into the pockets of the people I love
that might not love me back. If love echoes,
reflects back to only my ears, and this is the worst
case scenario, then I’ll wave valentine
verses into an ocean—pen handwritten
love letters on every wall, illuminated in the soft
glow of a pretty pink neon sign.
About Tyler Hurula
She/They
Tyler Hurula (she/they) is the pinkest poet and explorer based in Denver, Colorado. She strives to be the most queer and polyamorous person they can be and much of their poetry reflects these themes. Author of chapbook Love Me Louder (Querencia Press). Their poems can be found in numerous publications including Anti-Heroin Chic, South Broadway Press, Boats Against the Current, Gnashing Teeth Publishing, and more. They are the assistant editor and events coordinator with Beyond the Veil Press. You can find her on Instagram @theprettypinkpoet.